Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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