Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
