sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
