Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
