Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
