gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am spending my child support on dildos
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
