I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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