11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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