and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
