why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
