he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
