i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
