I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
