I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
