dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
