why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
