i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
