It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
