I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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