even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I checked into jail on foursquare
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
