If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
