Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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