it was like eating out sand paper
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
