how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize