I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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