You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
