I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
