Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
