Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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