So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
