I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
