its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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