ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
