Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
