Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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