i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
