you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
