in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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