Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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