Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
