That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
