she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i came on her dog
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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