I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
