Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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