Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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