Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
