Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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