well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
