It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
