I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
