I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
