It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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