Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
