No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
