Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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