Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
